Emotional Intelligence: 5 most essential skills to develop emotional intelligence

Emotional Intelligence: 5 most essential skill to develop emotional intelligence

Have you ever questioned yourself? What is the skill I need to learn? A skill that can change my life? A skill that makes many people successful? Is there a gene linked with intelligence? All these questions are answered in two books: Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman, where he explained why emotional intelligence matters more than IQ, and Emotional Intelligence 2.0 by Jean Greaves and Travis Bradberry.

When measuring others' success, most people link it with IQ (Intelligence Quotient), which is wrong because I know some people who have high IQ but are unsuccessful in their life. Over time, psychologists want to understand how the brain works, how intelligence evolves, and the correlation between IQ and success level. They found that IQ contributes 20% to success in life. You can be a genius in something, but still not successful in it because there's another type of intelligence that contributes to the 80%, this intelligence is called Emotional Intelligence or Emotional Quotient (EQ). A study by talent smart in job performance shows that 90% of the top performers have high EQ and 20% are low performers and EQ explains 58% of a leader's job performance.

Emotional intelligence talks about emotion and how it is a big part of life. Emotions can control you, it can bring you down or lift you. There can be a person who's famous, rich, and successful, but doesn't have emotions of happiness or passion. People who lack these emotions are empty from the inside, that's why people who are not truly passionate about something succeed then fall fast. On the other side, there can be a person who has a low IQ but has a high passion and positive emotions that can make him/her overcome many difficulties, the person with a low IQ and high emotional intelligence succeeds more than a person who's successful with low EQ. Even in a relationship: a person can have a brilliant mind but is not good at dealing with others.

The difference between humans and animals is that in humans, everything has evolved. Emotions have evolved in a way and reached a level that is complicated and hard to understand. To benefit from our emotions, we have to learn how to be emotionally intelligent.

Here are the 5 most essential skills to develop emotional intelligence:

1. Self-awareness

The first step to develop emotional intelligence is to understand your emotions:
• which emotions do you feel toward a certain thing, and how does it affect your behavior?
• what gives you enthusiasm and motivates you, and what demotivates you.
• what makes you happy, calm, and gives you joy, and what makes you sad, angry, and nervous. 
All these emotions are hidden inside you. To know and understand each emotion, observe your thoughts and how it reacts. When you understand your emotions and how it affects your behavior, learn the second skill which is controlling your emotions.

2. Emotional control

through ages, many people learned how to control their emotions to get a certain result. When you're aware of how a certain thing triggers a certain emotion inside you, which will have a different impact on your behavior. Learn how to not let that emotion impact your behavior like negative emotions, which stop you from doing or reaching where you want to. Each negative emotion has many consequences, but the most dangerous of them is the one resulting from anger.

Anger is like a hungry beast that eats the positive energy inside you. A mistake that most people do is that they tell others what makes them angry, it's your responsibility alone to learn how to control your anger. Talking to others about it increases the anger issue rather than calming it from the inside. To control your anger: take a deep breath, count from 3 to 1 calm down, then ask yourself why are you angry and what can you do to solve the problem. You can talk to others when you are filled with sadness, not when you are angry.

In times of depression: ask yourself simple questions like why am I depressed and what is the cause of this depression. Try controlling depression in the following way:

1. Setting small goals and achieving them. The more you achieve, the more interest you get to keep pushing.
2. Helping others can reduce depression.

To control your negative emotion:

1. Know that emotion, what triggers it and how does it affect you.
2. Control each before it controls you.

3. Self-motivation

The third step is to gain new emotion (motivational emotion), an emotion that keeps you going in life. You discover this emotion by writing down your ambitions and positive thoughts. It's difficult, but you have to keep searching for things that motivate you in life, a new way of thinking that keeps you motivated. To reach this level, stimulate hope and positivity. Read books or watch videos that give you hope and positive energy. Don't be a routine person who lacks passion for what he/she is doing.

4. Realizing other's feelings

Emotion is like a key. If you know others' emotions, you know how to talk to them, and when. For example, if you are a boss and you want to build a good relationship with your employees, you must know how to deal with everyone in a certain way to get the results you want. When you know others' emotions, your emotional intelligence will tell you how to deal with each person and in which way.

5. Relationship management

Here, you can set rules in every relationship you want, for example, if you want to grow passion in your marriage relationship. If you understand your partner's emotions (what makes him/her sad, happy, etc) and how does that emotion changes his/her behavior then, you can plant that emotion. Base on different personalities in life, you can think about a certain person and plant that emotion in your relationship.